Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am available for nakedness
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
