im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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