so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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