Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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