when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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