Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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