you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
her facebook's as public as her vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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