My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
