Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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