I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
