I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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