You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I will die if light touches me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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