So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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