My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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