im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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