just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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