I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
