I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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