I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
