so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize