She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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