the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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