i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
