She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
