weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
