So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
