My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize