dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We're hate flirting, damnit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
