I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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