just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
