Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
