A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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