Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
