you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
