Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
