PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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