The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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