highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
