We won't sleep together?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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