Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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