I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
