Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
