singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
