oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
