Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
