the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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