I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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