Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
