Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
