my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
