Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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