Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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