I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
