Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
