I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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