her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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