There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you didnt know i had herpes?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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