it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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