Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
