this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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