Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
