If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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