i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
