I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
