Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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