It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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