i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
